You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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