Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
