I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
