You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
