What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
