I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This house was built for laser tag.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
