Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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