remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
