I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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