You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
