I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Couch. On fire.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
