Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
