i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
