Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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