Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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