the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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