I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
