so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
