Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
