mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
