Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
