Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
