Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
