That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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