my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
