i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
