a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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