This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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