your room smells of hookers.
And success
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
