her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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