i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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