She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
