Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
