Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
