Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
