Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So much rum. So many feels.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
