This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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