she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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