I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
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