I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
