Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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