"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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