He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
