I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
