I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
