I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
