I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
