I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
