Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
