splinters make it hard to masturbate
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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