Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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